Query Letter V3.0

Okay in addition to writing my synopsis I have been polishing the old query letter.

Here is my latest version.

Dear Agent type person

Jeff Heaven is a small time Ecstasy dealer working off-the-strip clubs pawning pills. Jeff’s friend Charles brings him a hit of a strange new drug called Midnight. The black pill is so dark that it seems to dim the lights around it. Jeff is concerned with the drug’s appearance but the effects are so incredible that he agrees to help his friend sell it.

As the drug spreads through the clubs and casinos, Jeff begins to realize that everything might not be what it seems. He hears whispering in the back of his mind and he doesn’t like what it is telling him. People who are using the drug start behaving strangely, violently, a crime wave breaks out in the city.

Niccolo Casciano is a straight laced Las Vegas Metro Officer, he knows little about street drugs and less about the supernatural. In one night he is about to learn a lot about both.

Tymon can feel the growing evil in his bones the way other men can feel approaching storms. The ancient priest scrambles desperately to find out what it is, and how to stop it.

Deep within the pastel shadows cast by neon lights a demon patiently watches as her essence is consumed by thousands. She grows in power and influence; soon she will have enough to return to our world and exact her vengeance.

Midnight in Vegas is a 125,000 word supernatural thriller that takes the reader from the high tempo club scene of Las Vegas and into the twilight realm of the Perimeter, the world between worlds.

 Thank you for your time and consideration, I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Respectfully,

Lystra Pitts

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Published in: on June 5, 2009 at 5:23 pm  Comments (2)  
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2 Comments

  1. Good letter! I thought it got better with subsequent paragraphs–especially with hot words like prescient, demon, and ancient. Can’t wait to see this one in print! 🙂

  2. How about including why you want the specific agent to whom you’re writing? It can really help the agent (or his/her assistant, more likely) know that you’ve done your research. Good luck!!

    If it’s helpful at all, I’ve blogged about getting my agent here:
    My actual query letter to my agent: http://tinyurl.com/rcbzg4

    And the value of targeting agents: http://tinyurl.com/lmtbkv


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